Happy Friday everybody! Thanks for another great week at NA Alley! Be sure to check out yesterdays post to learn more about our girl Bailey and to give some context to the Cotillion references that will be in this coming post…
And, of course, be sure to check out all of the posts from this week and last week. Feel free to leave us any comments or suggestions—we love to hear from all of you!

Blog me MAYbe
May I tell you something funny?

Pick up lines. We’ve all heard them. I’m sure some of us have been the ones saying them. I thought I’d share a few pick-up incidences with you, some of which I find funny. And, one even has to do with writing.
For those who read yesterdays post, you know that Bailey and I have been critique partners and friends for quite some time. So, be warned, she is involved in these stories because that’s just what happens. 

Bailey and I sat in a coffee shop during one of our writer retreats. We were writing and editing with all our energy focused on each others work. The coffee shop was nearly empty. Two guys walked in and ordered coffee. A few minutes later, the two guys walk to the table right next to ours. I glanced around as they sat only a foot or so away. The place was still practically empty.

And this is when Bailey started it all
*Dramatic music please*

We both had to pee. Badly. But I didn’t want to leave our computers and such sitting on the table. Bailey nicely asked the two guys if they wouldn’t mind keeping an eye on our things while we made a quick bathroom trip.
We came back from the bathroom and soon found that Bailey had opened the freaking flood gate to bad pick-up lines.
“Are you two sisters?” Guy B leaned towards us and asked.
Seriously? Sisters? What are these guys smoking?
I glanced at Bailey. My eyes so wanted to roll. And they may have.
“No. We’re not sisters,” I said.
“Are you sure?” Guy B again.
“Yes,” Bailey replied.
“Really? Are you sure? Are you lying to us?” Guy B said.
“No, I’m not sure that we’re not sisters. Why would we lie about that?" I said  
“Really? You’re not?” Guy A decided to take over the asking stupid-and-irritating-question session.
“You two look so much a-like.” 
You have to be kidding me.
“How the hell do we look alike?”
At this point, the bad pick up line had gone to the-you’re-irritating-the-crap-out-of-me line. I really love when people argue with me about things…especially little things…that I would know…like…if she’s my freaking sister or not. Maybe I’m weird, but this only makes me want to chuck a shoe at you, not date you.

“Your hair…and your noses…are similar…and your faces.”
Now…let’s look at this using that detailed knowledge….

Faces? I suppose we both have one. Wow. Imagine that.

Noses?We also each have one. Ah-Maz-Ing.

Hair? BAHAHAHAHAH Color-blind?

Oh,you don’t you see the resemblance?

Fast forward to our next writing retreat. We took a small break to go for a swim.
“What are you girls doing?”
“We’re here on a writing trip,” Bailey replied to the two men who had pulled up chairs next to ours.
“Wait, a writing trip?”
“So…you, like, write? And stuff?”
Resist the sigh. Hold in the sigh.
“We’re writers too!”
Bailey and I looked at each other, and through her sunglasses I could see a slight eye roll that mimicked mine.
Right. Sure you are. How about I call bullshit.
“What do you write?” Bailey turned back to the two.
Don’t buy into it, Bailey!
I may or may not have snorted.
“What type of books?” Bailey said right when I asked, “What genre?”
“What genre fiction?”
I -
“Science fiction.”
“He actually published a book a few years ago,” the guy next to him said.
Wait, what?
“What book?”
“It’s crap.”   
“Who published it?”
“I did.”
“Why did you publish it if it’s crap?” Bailey snapped.
Thank goodness our Coitillan teachers weren’t watching this. I’m positive our methods and reactions weren’t in accordance with their how-to-dismiss-a-gentleman policy. 

Things you don’t want to tell writers? That you self published a book you are almost too ashamed of it to even talk about. We did get the name of the book, mainly because neither of us believed him until we looked it up. Didn’t it seem like the perfect total BS pick up line? Oh, yeah, we’re writers too! We’re doing writing things too! Imagine that! Small world! 
Unfortunately, for these guys, they learned that we're very passionate about books and blunt (cotillion didn't work on our "lady-like" skills either). Neither of us had any problem telling them how we felt about self-publishing self proclaimed “crap”, because it only makes it harder for those good self-published novels to be found and read.  
So sometimes the bad pick-up lines are bad pick up lines. And sometimes the really bad pick-up lines surprise you because they are true. 

 Do you have any bad pick-up line experiences? What is your favorite bad line?

Post a Comment

  1. “So…you, like, write? And stuff?”

    Sometimes real life is funnier than fiction.

  2. Hi Suzi, thanks for stopping by and commenting! It was very funny. That part of the conversation continued on for longer and consisted of more "so you really write? And stuff?"

  3. I used to go to this dance club, and one night, I had a guy come up to me, LICK the tip of his finger, trail it down the side of my shirt, then say: "How about we go to my place and get you out of these wet clothes?"


  4. EWW GROSS! How did you respond?

  5. Wow, I think you telling these stories might be funnier than actually living them. Maybe we should have paid attention in how to "politely dismiss a gentleman" because obviously my blunt & obviously disinterested policy was unsuccessful. Or next time we go with your method: chuck a shoe at him.

  6. @Jaycee DeLorenzo I would have hit him! Oh goodness, that's disgusting! I also would have burned my shirt later.

  7. Did you look up the book? Haha

  8. "“So…you, like, write? And stuff?”" LOL
    I can't remember any great pick-up line from the top of my head ... but, oh, they happened.

    Thanks for sharing, L.!

  9. DG, we totally looked up the book. Neither os us really believed him till we did. We kept asking questions about it and he would dodge giving us answers so we really didn't believe him for awhile.
    Bai, I vaguely remember a how to decline a genlteman for a dance also.

  10. @lgkelsoYes, but we were never actually *allowed* to say no, remember? I am, however, a very fine follower now in dancing. All you have to be able to do in two stepping is follow a lead. Who knew Cotilion would make me fit in better in Texas?

  11. Fun story! :)

    Back in my college days, I always used to get hit on in the dorm elevator. *Shudder*

  12. No, we weren't allowed to say no. But we did go over it.

  13. Carrie, elevators are an awkward place! You can't really hide anywhere lol

  14. “Wait, a writing trip?”
    “So…you, like, write? And stuff?”
    hahahahaha ;)

    My first boyfriend had terrible pickup lines. I mean....TERRIBLE. They're not even worth repeating, lol

  15. @Jaycee DeLorenzoI just gave him my death glare and told him that next time he touched me, I was going to break if off...and I wasn't refering to the finger.

  16. If I was in charge of the alphabet I would stick U and I together.

  17. I don't really have any lol but I was flirted with by a crank caller a few years ago. I have a silly last name and I learned my lesson not to have it in the phone book. Got a call from a guy asking if I was a porn star

  18. Sadly, I'm pretty oblivious to flirting (my friends say I'm anti-flirt!) so I don't even notice when guys throw stupid lines at me. But I love that guys are still so willing to try bad lines out even though they know we trade stories about those experiences.

  19. Oh that's bad, Jolene! Mary, I wonder if all guys know that we do this. I feel like I should put out a disclaimer when they start talking that says,"Warning: every stupid thing you say will be held against you and/or told to numerous other people."


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